Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Cougar Scare

Close call, ya'll. I just had a total college-graduates-who-are-into-Twilight-which-is-just-wrong-because-it-was-written-for-13-year-olds-so-just-read-a-real-book-already-here-I'll-lend-you-my-copy-of-Beloved moment. I realized while tearing up through the season finale of Glee at my desk during lunch break that I have a total hard-on for Finn Hudson. He's like a junior in high school. I then equated myself to the twenty-somethings who are into RPatz or "Patsy" as I think I'll call him from now on, and I threw up in my mouth a little. I was seriously about to turn myself in as a pedophile, when I decided to do a little investigative reporting (AKA celebrity stalking).

Guess what I learned? Cory Monteith, who plays the frankenteen is actually a couple years older than I am. I'm in the clear. I'm definitely gonna start sending him my underpants and some haikus about how we are totally soulmates.

While I was at it, I investigated further, and learned that Patsy was in fact born in '86. Huh. He can legally drink and stuff. Whatever. It's still icky cuz Twilight is lame-o.

And unlike that Brit Patsy, thankfully my new TV star boyfriend Cory Monteith is Canadian, so we wouldn't have to fly over an ocean when I go to meet his mother for the first time. That would totally give me more anxiety than the actual mother meeting, which I'm totes gonna need a Xanax for. Man. I hope she's cool. I hope she understands my type of humor and she doesn't mind that I can't belt out Journey songs like her son can. I wonder if she'll want to go out to dinner or stay in. I hope she's not upset that I'm not Catholic.

Holy crap. This is a lot of pressure. I could use that Xanax right about now.

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