We haven't had some good witty banter in a while. Here's a treat of a convo Charlemagne and I had this afternoon.
It starts off with Charlemagne sending me a link with this as the caption: POBRE ANIMAL SUFRIO BRUTAL EMBESTIDA MIENTRAS CRUZABA LA CALZADA EL CABALLO MURIO EN EL ACTO Y EL PILOTO SALIO ILESO DEL PERCANSE ..COMENTA PUNTUA Y SUSCRIBE AUTO CARRO ATROPELLO ON THE HORSE DEATH
Kate: Did you just send me a video about dead ponies?
Charlemagne: Is a horse a pony?
Kate: No. But a pony is a small horse.
Charlemagne: Then yes. It's about dead ponies.
Kate: I do not want to watch that one bit.
Charlemagne: He doesn't die in the video.
Kate: but you said...
Charlemagne: They put it down after. But not in the video.
Kate: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Charlemagne: Glue factory.
Kate: Why don't you just send me pictures of dead kittens while you're at it? Omg I'm going to cry.
Charlemagne: But I didn't send you any pictures of dead kittens.
Kate: I know but now I'm thinking about dead kittens.
Charlemagne: :(
Showing posts with label Witty Banter. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Witty Banter. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
N00bs Who Can't Move Gud
Sent at 2:36 PM on Tuesday:
Charlemagne: I have had too much to drink for 2:30
Sent at 2:38 PM on Tuesday
Charlemagne: RESPOND!
Kate: Jesus. Relax. I was down the hall.
Charlemagne: This much drunk is a bad idea when I have an early plane to catch.
Kate: Stop lying about being in Ireland. None of us believe you.
Charlemagne: Where the fuck do you think I am? Didn't you see the pictures?
Kate: They're all of the inside of your hotel room.
Charlemagne: AND the construction work outside my hotel room.
Kate: You're prolly in like, upstate NY
Charlemagne: Fuck you! I'm in Dublin!
Kate: Yeah? What time is it there?
Charlemagne: LAL IDK I'm too wAsTeD!!!!1
Kate: I'm going to blag that you just typed that. Embarassing.
Charlemagne: Don't give a FUCK! Ya know how they have those signs for hotel room doors? Like "Do Not Disturb" and "Please Service"?
Kate: Yep.
Charlemagne: There's one here that says "Fire"
Kate: What the fuck? Like you put it out if the room is on fire? Or set the room on fire and put it out before you leave?
Charlemagne: I don't know. I'm tempted to put it on the neighbor's door and see what happens.
Kate: DO IT! Immediately. And report back.
Charlemagne: Oh there's directions on the back!
Kate: And?
Charlemagne: It's for n00bs who can't move gud and get stuck in the room when there's a fire and need help.
Kate: I can't believe you just typed that.
Charlemagne: So if you can't move gud, you put it on the door all the time.
Kate: I'm blagging you typed that too.
Charlemagne: I have had too much to drink for 2:30
Sent at 2:38 PM on Tuesday
Charlemagne: RESPOND!
Kate: Jesus. Relax. I was down the hall.
Charlemagne: This much drunk is a bad idea when I have an early plane to catch.
Kate: Stop lying about being in Ireland. None of us believe you.
Charlemagne: Where the fuck do you think I am? Didn't you see the pictures?
Kate: They're all of the inside of your hotel room.
Charlemagne: AND the construction work outside my hotel room.
Kate: You're prolly in like, upstate NY
Charlemagne: Fuck you! I'm in Dublin!
Kate: Yeah? What time is it there?
Charlemagne: LAL IDK I'm too wAsTeD!!!!1
Kate: I'm going to blag that you just typed that. Embarassing.
Charlemagne: Don't give a FUCK! Ya know how they have those signs for hotel room doors? Like "Do Not Disturb" and "Please Service"?
Kate: Yep.
Charlemagne: There's one here that says "Fire"
Kate: What the fuck? Like you put it out if the room is on fire? Or set the room on fire and put it out before you leave?
Charlemagne: I don't know. I'm tempted to put it on the neighbor's door and see what happens.
Kate: DO IT! Immediately. And report back.
Charlemagne: Oh there's directions on the back!
Kate: And?
Charlemagne: It's for n00bs who can't move gud and get stuck in the room when there's a fire and need help.
Kate: I can't believe you just typed that.
Charlemagne: So if you can't move gud, you put it on the door all the time.
Kate: I'm blagging you typed that too.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Another Conversation
My brother often sends me links during the workday with no explanation. This morning I received this and here is the conversation that followed:
Kate: Oh wow. Attack of the clones.
Charlemagne: Pod people.
Kate: Mad pod people.
Charlemagne: They should clone like a million of me.
Kate: They certainly should not.
Charlemagne: Two million.
Kate: Oh my god! They're creating human/cow creatures? Is that like centaurs? This is going to lead to the downfall of society.
Charlemagne: Moooooooo.
Kate: Wasn't there a movie about this? I think it was called "Don't Clone Your Dead Children" and Dakota Fanning went on a killing spree.
Charlemagne: Watch this!
Kate: Yikes.
Charlemagne: The Shocker!
Kate: Oh wow. Attack of the clones.
Charlemagne: Pod people.
Kate: Mad pod people.
Charlemagne: They should clone like a million of me.
Kate: They certainly should not.
Charlemagne: Two million.
Kate: Oh my god! They're creating human/cow creatures? Is that like centaurs? This is going to lead to the downfall of society.
Charlemagne: Moooooooo.
Kate: Wasn't there a movie about this? I think it was called "Don't Clone Your Dead Children" and Dakota Fanning went on a killing spree.
Charlemagne: Watch this!
Kate: Yikes.
Charlemagne: The Shocker!
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Douchelight: An Update
Monday morning I received a phone call on my work phone from Bubba, the GBF. The conversation went something like this:
Bubba: Hey ugly.
Kate: You need to stop starting our conversations like that.
Bubba: You keep saying that.
Kate: Because its true. What's up?
Bubba: I'm pretty sure I want to be a vampire.
Kate: Holy fuck, Bubba, don't tell me you read that bullshit excuse for a novel too.
Bubba: Nope.
Kate: Thank Christ.
Bubba: I saw the movie. And you're going to too.
Kate: Please don't make me do that.
Bubba: Sorry, lady. It's Monday night, and you are committed to hang out with me. And I want to watch Twilight again.
Kate: I refuse.
Bubba: Oh, shut up. You can blog about it, and I'll feed you lots of wine.
Kate: Fine.
Thus, I spent Monday evening with Bubba at our friend Messica's studio apartment watching Twilight with her semi-retarded cat, Jack Bauer. Now, I have previously made my feelings about the Twilight phenomenon quite clear. Those books are complete and utter garbage and may contribute to the downfall of society. Stephanie Meyer should be embarrassed and little girls who have read that trash should be forced to read The Bell Jar and Catcher in the Rye until all traces of it have been erased from their memories.
That being said, I must admit that the movie was not terrible. That is not to say that it was good, but it did not make me want to stick red hot pokers in my eyes. The film came across darker than the book, which was certainly an improvement as, hello, it's about vampires. I did not loathe the heroine like I did in the book, but this is primarily because I like Kristen Stewart. She always looks disheveled and miserable. It's great. And part of me is surprised that they didn't go after Jenna Malone for the role. God, she's awful. Absolutely terrible. Ugh. I can't stand to even look at her. I feel like this role would have fit perfectly with her long resume of playing the same character over and over and over and over...
What was I talking about? Oh. Twilight. Yeah, book sucks, movie was tolerable. Damn, now I can't stop thinking about my hatred for Jenna Malone. It's gonna be a long day.
Bubba: Hey ugly.
Kate: You need to stop starting our conversations like that.
Bubba: You keep saying that.
Kate: Because its true. What's up?
Bubba: I'm pretty sure I want to be a vampire.
Kate: Holy fuck, Bubba, don't tell me you read that bullshit excuse for a novel too.
Bubba: Nope.
Kate: Thank Christ.
Bubba: I saw the movie. And you're going to too.
Kate: Please don't make me do that.
Bubba: Sorry, lady. It's Monday night, and you are committed to hang out with me. And I want to watch Twilight again.
Kate: I refuse.
Bubba: Oh, shut up. You can blog about it, and I'll feed you lots of wine.
Kate: Fine.
Thus, I spent Monday evening with Bubba at our friend Messica's studio apartment watching Twilight with her semi-retarded cat, Jack Bauer. Now, I have previously made my feelings about the Twilight phenomenon quite clear. Those books are complete and utter garbage and may contribute to the downfall of society. Stephanie Meyer should be embarrassed and little girls who have read that trash should be forced to read The Bell Jar and Catcher in the Rye until all traces of it have been erased from their memories.
That being said, I must admit that the movie was not terrible. That is not to say that it was good, but it did not make me want to stick red hot pokers in my eyes. The film came across darker than the book, which was certainly an improvement as, hello, it's about vampires. I did not loathe the heroine like I did in the book, but this is primarily because I like Kristen Stewart. She always looks disheveled and miserable. It's great. And part of me is surprised that they didn't go after Jenna Malone for the role. God, she's awful. Absolutely terrible. Ugh. I can't stand to even look at her. I feel like this role would have fit perfectly with her long resume of playing the same character over and over and over and over...
What was I talking about? Oh. Twilight. Yeah, book sucks, movie was tolerable. Damn, now I can't stop thinking about my hatred for Jenna Malone. It's gonna be a long day.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Update: The Location of my Underpants
Now, I work at the same fabulous establishment as Stepmom-lady (and Dad-guy as well), and since I no longer reside with them, they often use the workday as a means of familial contact. This morning I called Stepmom-lady on completely work related business, and this is a close reconstruction of the conversation that ensued:
Kate: Hey. How are you this morning?
SML: Great! I have presents for you.
Kate: Ooh. I like presents. Whatcha got?
SML: Your Cosmo that came to the house and some underpants.
(Yes, she said "underpants")
Kate: Underpants?
SML: Yes. They're clean.
Kate: Uh... You brought me clean underpants?
SML: Well, they're yours.
Kate: You brought me my own clean underpants?
SML: Yes. Paws was quite concerned that they belonged to some friend of your brother, but I assured him that they were yours.
Kate: How do you know?
SML: I bought them for you for Christmas.
Kate: Oh. (pause) Why do you have my underpants?
SML: I found them in the dryer after you did your laundry here last weekend.
Kate: Oh. That makes sense.
SML: So they're here for you whenever you stop over.
So during my lunch break, I trekked over and grabbed from my Stepmother's desk the most recent edition of Cosmopolitan, one sock (she neglected to mention this), and some clean underpants.
Professionalism at its best.
Kate: Hey. How are you this morning?
SML: Great! I have presents for you.
Kate: Ooh. I like presents. Whatcha got?
SML: Your Cosmo that came to the house and some underpants.
(Yes, she said "underpants")
Kate: Underpants?
SML: Yes. They're clean.
Kate: Uh... You brought me clean underpants?
SML: Well, they're yours.
Kate: You brought me my own clean underpants?
SML: Yes. Paws was quite concerned that they belonged to some friend of your brother, but I assured him that they were yours.
Kate: How do you know?
SML: I bought them for you for Christmas.
Kate: Oh. (pause) Why do you have my underpants?
SML: I found them in the dryer after you did your laundry here last weekend.
Kate: Oh. That makes sense.
SML: So they're here for you whenever you stop over.
So during my lunch break, I trekked over and grabbed from my Stepmother's desk the most recent edition of Cosmopolitan, one sock (she neglected to mention this), and some clean underpants.
Professionalism at its best.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
A Conversation
Sent to Charlemagne at 12:57 PM
Kate: Holy shit! I just got an email from our 4th grade Challenge teacher.
Charlemagne: The one that looked like that cartoon from that game?
Kate: The very same.
Charlemagne: About that game?
Kate: No, I don't think she knows about that game.
Charlemagne: About Challenge?
Kate: No. She's on a listserve I'm on for work.
Charlemagne: She's gotta be old now.
Kate: She was old then. And a close talker.
Charlemagne: That's true. She was on prozac.
Kate: Yeah...Wait. How do you know that?
Charlemagne: I made it up. But right?
Kate: I guess...
Charlemagne: Challenge sucked.
Kate: Holy shit! I just got an email from our 4th grade Challenge teacher.
Charlemagne: The one that looked like that cartoon from that game?
Kate: The very same.
Charlemagne: About that game?
Kate: No, I don't think she knows about that game.
Charlemagne: About Challenge?
Kate: No. She's on a listserve I'm on for work.
Charlemagne: She's gotta be old now.
Kate: She was old then. And a close talker.
Charlemagne: That's true. She was on prozac.
Kate: Yeah...Wait. How do you know that?
Charlemagne: I made it up. But right?
Kate: I guess...
Charlemagne: Challenge sucked.
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